“I’m not ready”
“I’m too frightened”
“I’m not intelligent enough”
“I can’t do it”
“I’m too stupid”
“I’m not worthy”
“’I’m not confident”
The list goes on!
In our men’s retreats over the past few years it is evident that these messages live deep inside many men. These messages live within our nervous system, within our bodies, within our minds. Many men feel trapped and lack the confidence to step fully into their lives because of their perception of these hidden stories.
Even if ‘in their heads’ they say things like “I’m going to step into my fear’, ‘I’m going to commit’, ‘I am ready’, ‘I am motivated’, ‘I’m feeling more confident than ever’, ‘it’s going to happen’, often the fear of moving forwards in life can be sabotaged by a deep unconscious reaction felt deep inside their body.
Every man we have ever worked with (and woman) inherits these beliefs in some form from their life experience.
It seems that some men use these messages to drive them forwards. They act as a catalyst.
Some men feel trapped in these messages and put their foot on the break, preventing them from stepping into their true potential as a man.
These deep messages are from the past, beliefs we absorbed into our nervous systems growing up as children. Messages that were handed down to us from our parents and caregivers, that were probably handed down from generations of our ancestry. It can seem that these messages are hard-wired into our cells.
In our men’s retreats it is evident that these hidden messages come from one major childhood wound or absorbed core belief.
“I’m not good enough.”
If a man unconsciously (or consciously) believes this message and puts his foot on the brake, usually because of hidden shame and repressed trauma, it can be difficult to find his place in the world, to stay present and to align with a meaningful purpose. This core belief can lead to a whole host of distracting and masking behaviours such as depression, addictions, anxiety issues, and more. And unfortunately, suicide.
If a man uses the energy of this message and puts his foot on the accelerator it can drive him into a life of relentlessly proving to others that he is good enough. Whilst this may sound like a positive and it can certainly drive him to ‘get shit done’, it can often lead to a life of relentless material pursuits such as gaining an endless amount of academic qualifications, earning more and more money without ever feeling content, and pursuing many different relationships to experience the feeling of "I’m loved" and "I’m good enough". Yet, the deep feeling of discontentment in life may still prevail.
Throughout the course of our retreats it often becomes clear for men where this wound comes from, this deep subconscious belief that lives deep in our cells. For most men, it comes from the perception that they did not receive adequate fathering from a strong male role model. Maybe father was totally absent, father wasn’t around much, father was around but working and not available to emotionally support his son, or that father was simply not capable of loving his son fully, because he wasn’t taught how to do this from his own father.
We believe that this deep wounding of “I’m not good enough” manifests because many men are not truly seen by their fathers, they were not emotionally supported by father and it is likely that a lack of authentic male role models were missing in the child’s life. This can be very traumatic for a child growing up and can lead to a lack of confidence later in life in many situations.
They are not blessed by ‘King Energy’.
As a man, if you perceive that you haven’t fulfilled your potential in life, if you feel ‘stuck’, if anxiety put’s the brakes on your life because you live in fear of crashing, if you lack confidence, if you feel depressed or confused about life and its meaning it is highly likely that you have never been truly blessed by authentic male role models in your life.
The good news is ‘it’s not too late’.
In our retreats we have seen with our own eyes the power of authentic masculine blessing. We have witnessed the shift that happens in men when they feel part of a safe group and are truly seen and heard without judgement by other men.
Magic happens when men come together in support of each other’s lives.
We have seen the love felt in a man’s heart when he is seen, heard, felt by a group of other men, who look at him directly into his eyes and say these words: -
“You are good enough just as you are.”
This is true men’s work.